


Without Fear

by BDA



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, F/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Multi, Oral Sex, Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:26:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23928343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BDA/pseuds/BDA
Summary: Remus and Tonks's relationship reaches new levels of intimacy, but they each have their own struggles with the new vulnerability this creates. Each of them bring their own troubles to the relationship that they must help each other work through.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	1. A Pleasant Evening

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my very first fic ever, and I'm jumping in with two feet and writing sex :o. I hope you enjoy, but I'd also love to hear constructive criticism if you want to tell me about something you hated/something that didn't work for you! This will be a multi-chapter fic, and you can probably expect chapter 2 pretty soon, but I have no set posting schedule or plan for how long this will be.

“First girl you ever kissed?” Dora asked, as she lay across her bed, smiling playfully at Remus who was seated against her headboard, toying with one of her decorative pillows.

“Wow, I didn’t know they made pillows quite this shade of yellow. Is this colour called troll bogies or-?”

She slapped him on the arm playfully. “Hush you! Its chartreuse and it goes with the bed sheets!”

“The…turquoise bedsheets?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes. Colours with far too many u’s and e’s.” she responded petulantly. “And don’t try to dodge the question. Who was your first kiss?”

“I’d rather skip the twenty questions and just focus on the girl I am currently kissing” he responded, a rather smooth remark on his part, he thought, as he shifted to lie beside her and captured her lips with his.

Tonks wasn’t sure she would ever get used to this feeling, their lips sliding over one another’s, one of his hands cupping the back of her head and the other gently resting on her hip, as though he wasn’t sure where he was allowed to touch. Tonks in return slid her hands up his chest, trailing them back down to slide back up again, only this time under his shirt. He made a noise and gripped her hip more firmly. 

They kissed like that for some time, before Remus gently rolled her onto her back and shifted so that he was partially laying over her, supported on his elbows. Their kissing grew more heated and she moaned as he began to kiss and lick his way down her neck, paying close attention to the sensitive spots he had spent weeks discovering, since they had first started this intimacy. They had been taking things at a deliciously slow pace, just carefully exploring each other’s bodies, mostly fully clothed. Remus was proving to be just as gentle and attentive in bed as out of it, and she was enjoying being the focus, unlike in her previous relationships where she found intimate situations tended to revolve around her past boyfriends doing things for their own pleasure. 

Tonks was brought out of her thoughts by Remus gently tugging her t-shirt over her head and returning the downward trail of kisses, as his hands skimmed her sides in a way that threatened to make her shiver with ticklishness. Tonks gasped and gripped onto his shoulders as he sucked on a spot on her collarbone that sent pleasant shocks of pleasure through her body. 

Remus pulled back slightly to catch her eye as one hand came to rest on the clasp of her bra, silently asking for her permission to remove it. She bit her lip and nodded. He undid the clasp and slid the garment off of her body, tossing it away. He stopped for a moment, hovering over her with an unreadable expression, his eyes dark. He then reached out one warm hand to cradle her breast, running a calloused thumb over her nipple and making her arch up into his hand. This seemed to be all the encouragement he needed to lean down and cover her left breast with his mouth, alternating between flicking her nipple with his tongue and mouthing her breast. Her other breast received much the same attention from his hand. She moaned and arched up into his touch. She tangled her fingers into his greying locks and lost herself to the sensation.

A warmth was building low in her stomach as he lavished attention on her breasts, occasionally breaking away to give her a searing kiss. This was as far as they had ever gone together, but Tonks found herself wanting more. She pulled him up for a longer, more passionate kiss as their tongues slid together. 

Remus’s un-occupied hand rested loosely on her left thigh, and, feeling a bit like a tart, Tonks pressed her thigh further into his grip and let her legs fall apart, hoping that he would pick up on her unvoiced request. 

By the lust-blown look in his eye when he met her gaze, she took it that he had. He captured her lips again and slowly, deliberately ran his hand up her denim-clad thigh, stopping near the zipper and pulling back to meet her gaze.

“yeah?” he asked, somewhat breathlessly.

“yeah.” She responded.

He unfastened her jeans and pulled down the zipper slowly, holding her gaze with a heated look. He gave her plenty of time to dissuade him as he helped her out of her jeans painstakingly slowly. She was struck by the sheer intimacy of the moment and found it to be more erotic than any desperate shedding of clothes she had ever experienced before.

With her jeans now removed, Remus slid one hand up her thigh from her knee, stopping at her hip and sliding back to her knee. He leaned in to kiss her and repeated the process, gradually sliding his hand further and further towards her inner thigh, each time stopping before he reached the desired destination. She huffed in frustration and kissed him more ardently. He ignored her frustration and continued the tantalizing pace of his teasing, only changing things up to move his other hand to occasionally brush his thumb across her nipple. 

He was rewarded with a harsh exhale from her as he finally, finally brushed across her panties with one knuckle. She broke away to gasp. He smiled against her mouth and repeated it. She pressed her hips up trying to get more contact, but he moved his hand back. 

“tease” she accused.

He peppered kisses along her shoulder and ignored her.

This time, as his hand came between her legs he did not back away right away. He brushed his knuckle across her panties, exerting a little pressure and making her let out a moan. Remus shifted his hand and brushed against her again, this time with his thumb. He splayed his fingers across her belly below her belly button while his thumb rubbed loose circles across the front of her panties. 

“Oh fuck.” She exclaimed, gripping the sheets in a fist. 

When he moved his hand away, she wanted to sob. He didn’t move his hands far though, instead he hooked. His thumbs in the waistband of her panties and looked to her for permission before sliding them down and off her legs. He looked down at her nude body and groaned. He ran his hands up and down her thighs lovingly before shifting to kneel between her legs for better access.

“wotcher, Remus” she said breathily. 

This spurred him on, and he reached out to brush his thumb firmly across her clit and she cursed. He nudged her legs further apart and brushed across her clit again. The mood in the room seemed to shift. She ached.

Remus slid one finger down to brush against her entrance, gathering some of the wetness there before moving his finger back up to circle her clit over and over before repeating the process. After the third time, he paused his torturously slow pace and she gasped and tried to lift her hips for more contact. She looked up at him and found he was staring at her, face flushed, and appeared to be trying to make a decision. Then, with deliberate care, giving her time to voice opposition, he slid a finger inside of her. 

“Oh yes” she groaned.

He began moving the finger in and out while his thumb brushed across her clit. She began to rock her hips into his hand slightly, desperate for more friction or more speed, or something. Remus was either oblivious or cruel, she thought as everything was just on the verge of not enough.

Remus seemed to get the hint, as he slid a second finger inside of her and began to pick up the pace. His fingers began to move faster in their thrusting, and he applied more pressure to her clit with his thumb as he alternated circling it and rubbing. Heat boiled up in her belly, beginning to spread through her body and she was dimly aware of the litany of moans and gasps she was letting out as he drove her closer to the edge. He pressed heated kisses to her neck and shoulders as he crooked his fingers inside of her and found just the right spot, and then it wasn’t long before she was moaning and rocking into his hand, her orgasm overtaking her and setting her body alight with pleasurable warmth. 

He continued to move his fingers through the shocks of pleasure, slowing his movements and then withdrawing his hand. He kissed her gently but ardently and then sat back.

When she had finally caught her breath, Tonks looked at him, kneeling beside her. He was smiling at her, cheeks flushed. 

“Don’t look so pleased with yourself” she told him, returning the smile. 

They stayed like that for a few moments as they both caught their breath and came back down from the high. Tonks began to feel nervousness set in. She hadn’t planned to take things any further tonight. She had thoroughly enjoyed herself, that might even have been the best orgasm of her life she thought, but reality was breaking through the haze of passion and with it came anxiety. Did he think she was a complete tart? She couldn’t believe she had been so bold. And, even more anxiety-producing, did he expect her to return the favour? She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. No, she knew that she wasn’t ready for that. 

Tonks’ fledgling panic spiral was interrupted by Remus moving to lie on his back next to her. She wondered briefly if he knew of her inner turmoil and was trying to distract her.

“Holy shit. Forget the first girl you kissed, tell me about the girl who taught you to do that. I need to send her flowers or something.” Tonks joked.

Remus ducked his head bashfully. “that was good then?” he asked.

“Now you’re just fishing for compliments. You know perfectly well how much I enjoyed that.” She responded, shifting so they were lying side by side and she could rest her head on his shoulder. She let out a yawn, finding that there was nothing that helped her sleep better than a good orgasm. 

“tired?” he asked softly.

“nope” she said with another yawn.

Remus pressed a tender kiss to the top of her head and moved to rise from the bed. “I should go. I’ll let you get some rest.” He said as stood next to the bed. “Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked.

“ugh, no I’ve got a long shift at the Ministry and then I’m on duty with Arthur tonight.” She responded regretfully. “are you sure you have to go now? I’m not that tired.” She added, though her body betrayed her with another yawn that she tried to hide.

Remus smiled affectionately at her. “I’d love to stay, believe me. But you need to rest if you are going to be ready for tomorrow, and I haven’t finished with those papers for Dumbledore yet.”

“I’ll see you soon, I hope” he said as he made his way to the door. “I had a really good time tonight” he added with a slight blush.

“Of course, yeah. I had a really great time too. Thank you” she said somewhat awkwardly.

Remus slipped out of her bedroom and a few moments later she heard the front door of her flat click shut behind him. Dora rolled over onto her stomach and pressed her face into her pillow. She wasn’t sure if she was more excited over the intimate encounter or nervous that she had started a ball rolling that she hadn’t been prepared for. This was Remus, though, she tried to reason with herself, and she couldn’t ever imagine him being angry with her over sex. However, she couldn’t imagine any of her past boyfriends doing something like that without expecting her to reciprocate sooner rather than later.

Tonks rolled over onto her back with a groan. This was too much thinking and indecision. She decided to enjoy the moment after a pleasurable evening, and she would worry about this in the future.


	2. Any room at the inn?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than I expected, sorry for the wait! (If anyone was waiting) Chapter 3 is 95% done and I plan on posting it tomorrow after I add the finishing touches, so hopefully that makes up for this slow update.

Remus had just sat down in the battered armchair by the fire when there was a knock at the door. Setting aside the steaming mug of tea in his hands, and the book from his lap, he rose to answer the door. 

“who is it? Declare yourself.” He spoke to the visitor on the other side of the door, wishing, not for the first time, that he had a peep hole or some way of seeing who was on the other side of the door. Not to say that visitors were a common occurrence to his run-down cottage on the edge of the woods at the outskirts of a rural Welsh village. Few even knew that he owned this property, having inherited it from his parents. 

“It’s me, Dora” came the voice through the door, followed, grudgingly by her security response. “The first time we met my hair was turquoise and I tripped over that damned troll’s leg and head-butted you in the chest.” 

Remus grinned at the memory and pulled open the door. 

“any room at the inn?” she asked with a nervous smile.

“Dora! What are you doing here? It’s very late.” 

“Sorry, I wouldn’t have just dropped by unannounced like this, but my landlord- the absolute wretch- kicked me out! I’m sorry to bother you this late, but I didn’t know where else to go.” She explained nervously, hoping she hadn’t made a mistake by showing up on his doorstep after dark, hoping for a place to stay. This relationship between them was still so new, and he was such a private person she didn’t want him to feel that she was invading his privacy or rushing things.

“Come in! of course you’ll stay here.” He ushered her in to the crowded entryway.

Remus helped her out of her coat and hung it up next to his shabby one as she kicked off her boots and rested her bag on the tattered woollen rug. Remus felt suddenly overcome with embarrassment about the homely little cottage in which he lived, but he tried to banish the thought as he knew Dora would cast no judgement. He was pleased that she had chosen to come here to his house. It had been almost two weeks since they had last seen each other, since that evening in her flat.

“Gosh. This place is so you.” She said without pretence. “It’s so warm and homey. Very comfortable.” She continued as she wandered into the sitting room and looked about. 

“Thank you. It’s not much, but it’s mine.” He responded, warmth settling in his chest at her honest kindness. “I’ll show you to the spare room.” He said, moving towards the hallway on the left. “and I’ll give you the two-cent tour on the way, there’s not much to see anyways.”

He led her down the hall to the left. “the kitchen’s here on your left” he said of the room just before the hall. It was small, with white oak cupboards, butcher block countertops, and red and white checkered dish towels at the sink. The only other furniture was a small round table and three mismatched wooden chairs. 

The next room he pointed out was the study, a small little room lined with bookshelves and a single desk, piled high with papers. It had amused Tonks to no end when she first found out how messy Remus was, as she had not expected that from the studious former professor. 

After that was the spare room, her room for now. She stepped in and set her bag down out of the way. The room was sparsely furnished, only a large bed in the centre of the room, and a matching cherry wood dresser against the wall, with a woven rug on the floor at the foot of the bed. 

She turned to smile at Remus who was eyeing her somewhat nervously from the doorway. “Thank you so much. I appreciate you taking me in on such short notice” she told him.

This seemed to alleviate some of his anxiety as his shoulders relaxed and he smiled back at her. “Please, I’m really glad you came here. I think I’ll enjoy having you stay with me.” He told her honestly.

They stepped back into the hall and he showed her the washroom on the left across from her room and then his room also on the left, next to the washroom. His room was slightly bigger than hers, but was otherwise similarly furnished, except for the stacks of books haphazardly piled up along one wall.

“this is very you.” She said with a grin. “ran out of room on the bookshelves in the study, eh?” she joked. 

He nudged her shoulder with his. “no, I just like these ones in here with me.” He told her.

“mmm, nothing like a copy of… Grishwold’s Guide to Grindylow Mating Rituals to get one in the mood…for bed.” She teased in an exaggerated sultry tone, reading the title of one of the books from the stack nearest her.

He smirked and shushed her, though she was pleased to see his cheeks pink up a bit. “I’ll have you know these are some of the books from my teaching days.” He informed her primly. 

She grinned back at him, rocking back on her heels, a childish motion her mother was always chastising her for. She felt suddenly nervous, unsure of what to do next. She was used to Remus being the guest in her flat, and she had never been a guest in his house before. 

“Can I interest you in some cocoa?” Remus offered with his usual crooked smile.

They return to the sitting room where Remus urges her to take a seat while he makes the cocoa in the kitchen. She gets comfortable on the settee while she can hear him pottering about in the kitchen, dishes clinking and the whistle of the kettle slowly building. She smiles at the domesticity of it all. 

Remus brought out the cocoa and passed her a mug.

“Careful, it’s a bit hot still.” He warned.

“Ta. You make the best hot cocoa, you know.” She told him, warming her hands on the mug and breathing in the chocolatey smell. 

He flushed slightly at the praise. “Thanks.”

“Now, tell me about this landlord of yours.” He told her.

Tonks sighed. “He’s a real arrogant berk. He never fixes anything in any of the flats, no matter how many times we ask. He’s always hiking up the rent. He drops by unannounced way too often just so he can find violations to charge us for – candles burning, loud music, too many guests, you name it he’s charged for it. Plus, he has it out for me especially because he hates that I’m out at all hours -for ministry and order work mind you – he thinks I’m some kind of party girl slag, but I can’t tell him otherwise because he’s a muggle-“ She realized she was going off on a bit of a rant, her voice rising as she listed her grievances. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to drop all this on you.”

Remus got up and moved over to the settee so he could sit closer to her. “Dora, I care about you. I care about what’s bothering you. And your landlord sounds like a prick.” He told her.

She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped. “Such language, professor.” She teased.

Her smiled wanly back at her. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked her seriously.

“No. To be honest, I’m almost relieved. He was making it miserable living there, but I didn’t want to move out of such a nice place because of him. Felt like I was admitting defeat, that way. Now I’m free of the lease and I can find somewhere better to live. I just wish I had been more prepared for this and that I wasn’t inconveniencing you so much.” She admitted.

“Dora, you are never an inconvenience to me.” He told her. “I’m sorry you lost your apartment, but I’m not sorry that this means I get to spend more time with you.”

Tonks smiled at him, leaning in to give him an appreciated kiss on the lips that seemed to get away from her as the intensity of the kiss increased. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to properly thank you.” She told him before kissing him again.

“This is nice.” He said simply as he deepened the kiss.

Tonks felt nerves bubbling up in her belly as their mouths slid together. Remus had brought her to orgasm with his hands four times since that first night in her flat. Four amazing times. Each time however, Remus had left afterwards either because he had a mission the next day or she had work, or for some reason. Now, they were in his house, neither one was working or on duty the next day and Tonks was out of excuses not to reciprocate some of the pleasure he had willingly given her. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to properly thank you.” Gods if that didn’t sound like a promise of something more now as their kisses grew heated. She wasn’t sure why this was such a hurdle for her, she wanted to make Remus feel good. She wanted to pleasure him and watch him come undone at her doing. But, the thought of actually doing those things for him made her stomach clench and an icy feeling run through her veins. She was no virgin; she had given plenty of handjobs and blowjobs and thoroughly enjoyed giving most of them. She couldn’t stop thinking of previous relationships when her past boyfriends had pushed her to reciprocate or expected it of her. She thought of boyfriends who never returned the favour to her but only sought out their own pleasure. She felt conflicted over what to do. 

She decided she needed to just get past first time, after that it would probably be better. This was probably just because it had been a while.

Tonks broke away from their heated lip-lock and began to kiss and suck her way down Remus’ neck, nibbling on the spot just below his ear that made him shiver. She peppered kisses along his jaw as she slid her hands up under his jumper and undershirt and along his back. He made a small appreciate noise in the back of his throat as she did so. So far, so good she thought, enjoying this part at least. Tonks bit down on his shoulder lightly which elicited another small noise from Remus.

Tonks then tugged on the bottom of his jumper and he lifted his arms to help her remove it. She smiled at him and then tugged his undershirt off as well. She gave him a peck on the lips, and he chased her mouth to deepen it, slipping his tongue between her lips to tangle with hers. Eventually she managed to continue with her objective. She let a hand drop to his thigh which made him tense and draw in a deep breath against her mouth.

Unease spread through her limbs, a cold sweat bubbling up on her skin that she tried to ignore. She ran her other hand up and down his chest, making sure to brush her thumb across a nipple as she went, making him gasp and lean towards her touch slightly. Tonks tried to put off what she felt was the inevitable by kissing him some more, continuing to use one hand to brush across his chest and play with his nipples. 

Remus seemed to be in no hurry for her to go further and gave off no indication of anything other than enjoying her kisses and caresses. Tonks finally took a sobering breath and moved to the button on his trousers. Remus made a strangled noise that made her look up and meet his eye. His eyes were huge, and dark, almost all pupil. His cheeks were very faintly flushed she noticed with pleasure, and his lips were reddened from kissing. What surprised her was the shocked expression on his face, as though this was a turn of events he had not been expecting. 

As she looked at him, he was looking at her, and she immediately tried to school her features to make sure she was not giving away any of the unease she was feeling, but she realized she must not have been successful as Remus took her hands in his and moved them away from the button on his trousers. 

“Dora.” He said, his voice gravelly with desire. “Dora, we don’t have to go there.” He told her.

“What? You don’t want me to?” she queried, confused.

“We don’t have to do anything more tonight. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.” He told her. She felt as though she was watching his self-control slip back firmly into place as he sat up straighter, running his hand through his hair that she had mussed. 

“Who said I wasn’t ready?” she asked, trying to bluff. She wasn’t sure why she wasn’t just accepting this out. Why did she have to try to make this more difficult for herself? But she couldn’t stop herself from digging into this.

“Dora, love. You look like your heading off into a 48-hour shift at the Ministry or an overnight stake out with Mad-Eye – the paranoid bastard- or something. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” He told her. She winced, picturing the face she must be making and feeling guilty.

“But don’t you want me to make you feel good?” she pressed.

Remus bit his lip and looked away for a moment. He seemed to be debating what to say. “I won’t lie and say the thought of what you were offering doesn’t excite me, but only if you want to offer it.” He admitted, looking a little hesitant, like he might have overstepped his bounds. 

“Do you think it makes me feel good that the thought of- of- touching me makes you make a face like that?” He continued.   
She flinched, feeling guilty. She realized that he was right, she wasn’t exactly making him feel desired if she was acting like it was a terrible chore. She thought about the love and enthusiasm he put into taking care of her and felt guilty. 

“Sorry” she said in a small voice.

“No, Dora, don’t be sorry. I’m not upset. I just don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do. Because I’m fine, really, I am very happy with what we have now and I’m in no rush to change that.” He told her.

“How can that be true though? I feel like such a bitch for letting you touch me- asking you to touch me- when I knew that I didn’t feel ready to do the same.” She admitted.

“Hey. I don’t touch you because I think that means you will touch me. I’ll have you know I thoroughly enjoy myself when I touch you. Haven’t I shown you that I enjoy it?” He responded.

She thought of all the times he had touched her, the sounds he made sometimes in response to her moans and cries, as though the intensity of her pleasure was spreading to him. She thought of the eagerness with which he approached touching her, or the open, pleased look on his face as they lay together afterwards. 

“I just don’t know how you can be satisfied with touching me, getting me off, if you aren’t going to do the same. I don’t know when I’ll be ready to return the favour.” She admitted. 

“We do this at your pace, love.” He told her soothingly. “You set the rules”

Remus was looking at her expectantly. 

“What?” she asked.

“The rules.” He emphasized. “I know how you like to make lists and such, I thought you might like to establish boundaries. An agreement of sorts, so neither one of us has any expectations that the other isn’t ready or willing to meet, and no one is unsure about what they are allowed to do.” He elaborated.

She was struck by the intensity with which she loved this man. He knew her so well. An agreement like this was exactly the sort of thing she thrived on. Despite her crazy hair colours and wacky punk wardrobe, Tonks actually quite valued order and structure in her life. The idea of establishing and agreement on boundaries and expectations was already doing wonders at alleviating the tense bundle of nerves that had taken up residence in her chest.

Haltingly, and with surprisingly less embarrassment than she might have expected, they decided on her boundaries and expectations. Remus didn’t bat an eye at any of her boundaries, just placidly nodding in agreement with them, and giving her a goofy grin at the expectations list. To her surprise, he even suggested she upgrade some of the boundaries further than she had planned to make them.

Though she still felt like it was extremely unfair to Remus, they agreed on her boundaries being no penetrative sex and that she wouldn’t touch him below the waist even over clothing. Though she was embarrassed to ask and struggled to find the words, Remus readily agreed to no dry humping or jerking off in her presence and seemed quite unnerved that they even needed to address these actions. She still felt a bit like a terrible girlfriend as they established that basically, she was not interested in him getting release at all. Remus brushed off her concerns though as though he didn’t care at all. He claimed to be extremely pleased that he was still allowed to touch her and that that was all the pleasure he needed. 

Remus surprised her by making a few additions to the list of his own boundaries. She felt relieved that he was comfortable enough to do so, and a little ashamed that she wasn’t sure it would have occurred to her to ask if he had any. 

Remus stipulated that he did not want to become intimate the day before the full moon, the day of, or the day after. She agreed to this readily, wanting to use this opportunity to broach the subject of how his condition might affect intimacy, but unsure if that was too private a topic. He gave her a weary smile, the way he always did when the topic came up, as if he worried discussing it would cause her to suddenly realize that he was some kind of monster and run away screaming. He explained that he was usually too tense and could be a bit of a berk the day before the moon, the day of he felt too ill, and the day after he was usually in too much pain and too weak to be much fun. She readily agreed, cuddling into him at the thought that his only additions to the list were days when he was too ill to do anything, and the thought that he had to go through those difficult days. 

"It's late, we should get to bed" Remus said after a while. Blushing as he realized how domestic, and intimate, that sounded. 

Tonks nodded, feeling exhaustion creeping up on her.

The pair rose and Remus took their dishes into the kitchen to wash while she went to the washroom to get ready for bed. When she stepped out of the bathroom Remus was waiting in the hall to use the washroom next. 

The pair said goodnight, hugging tightly, which Tonks thought might have felt awkward if it was anyone but Remus. 

Tonks then retired into the spare bedroom, crawling into a bed that smelled just like Remus' detergent, and slept.


	3. There's really no need to be embarrassed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'd love to hear what you think, positive or negative, in the comments!

The next week of living together passed in surprising ease. Tonks found that living with Remus felt scarily normal. Their routines fit together almost perfectly, and she loved the times in the early evening that they spent curled up together on the couch, each with a cup of tea and their respective work or a book.

Living here in this cottage on the edge of the woods, Dora felt that the war was so far away from them. It was always a jarring difference when they left the house for meetings or her for auror work. 

On this particular day, Dora found herself lying back in bed in Remus’ room, fistfuls of the sheet in her hands as Remus kissed a tantalizing trail down her stomach. She also enjoyed the way that living together gave them so much more time for this. Remus ran his hands up her thighs while he sucked on a spot by her hip bone. Tonks slid her hand into his hair, running her fingers through it as he undid her jeans and slid them off.

He looked up to meet her gaze as he pressed a gentle kiss to the edge of her underwear. She took in a deep breath and simply responded, “Please”. He let out a deep breath and his eyes darkened. He had only used his hands up until this point, and she had to admit she was eager to see if he was anywhere near as talented with his mouth as with his hands.

He moved her left knee into a bended position and kissed lightly from her knee to her hip and back down before letting her lay that leg flat and repeating the process on her right leg. 

He hummed slight as he pressed kisses to the edge of her underwear, causing her to jerk slightly at the sensation. She felt him take in a deep breath before pressing a kiss to her centre, over her underwear. She let out a whimper. 

“Please, don’t tease me. Just get on with it.” She begged.

“hush, I’m going to take care of you.” He replied gently, a quirk to his lips that told her that he intended to draw this out.

He pressed another kiss to her centre through her panties before he pulled them down and off. He nudged her legs apart and moved to lie between them. He used his hand to spread her lips apart and pressed a gentle kiss to her clit that had her gasping and trying to push up into the sensation. He held her hips down gently with his unoccupied hand. Remus used his tongue to taste some of the wetness at her entrance before moving his tongue up to her clit and giving it a few flicks. She bucked underneath him and let out an undignified sound. 

He backed off from her clit and tasted more of the wetness at her centre, dipping his tongue inside her experimentally before moving back up to her clit to lick at the sensitive skin around her clit, but avoiding the little button itself. She moved her hands to grip his shoulders, dimly aware that she was probably leaving little half-moon crescents with her fingernails. Though the grunt he let out at this did not seem to be one of pain at all. 

Remus began to lick her clit over and over, moving his tongue back and forth, at the same time as he inserted one, and then two, fingers inside of her. He began to set up a steady rhythm of licking on her clit while he thrust his fingers in and out of her. She was dimly aware of how loudly she was moaning, and how he needed his other hand to hold her steady as she was moving around so much, but she could not bring herself to care as the pleasure continued to build and build.

Remus broke away and moved up to kiss her firmly on the mouth, despite her displeased moan at the loss of attention. He shifted slightly to get closer to her, pressing his hips to her leg in the process, which gave her her very first testament to how much he enjoyed these trysts, as, for the first time, she could feel how hard he was against her leg. He took in a breath sharply at the contact, flicking his eyes up to meet hers as though checking to see if she was bothered by this new contact. She pressed her leg ever so slightly into him to show her approval, and he moaned. He pressed his forehead into her shoulder and then attacked her lips again with a fierce, somewhat desperate kiss, before he pulled away and moved back down her body to resume his activities there. 

He put his mouth back to her, setting up his rhythm of licking from her entrance to her clit and giving it a flick before retreating. After a few passes, he stepped it up a notch and began to gently suck on her clit slightly after every few passes with his tongue and Tonks thought she really might scream at the pleasure of it all.

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Do you have any idea how good that feels? Oh fuck. Please, please let me come….” She couldn’t stop the barrage of dirty words falling from her lips. “you’re so good at this. Love this. Love your mouth. You’re gonna make me come...”

Remus groaned at her words, the vibrations from that making her toes curl. He sped up the thrust of his fingers and then circled her clit with his lips and sucked, hard. She clamped her legs down on his head and arched her back as her vision went white with the sheer force of the orgasm that hit her. It felt like the waves of pleasure rolled over her for ages before she eased up her grip and he moved away, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. 

“Gods.” He panted.

“Tell me about it. That was amazing” she gasped, equally breathless.

They both grinned at each other and he moved to lie beside her as they basked in the aftermath. 

“You’ve got a dirty mouth” he said conversationally, his gaze distant and unreadable.

“Yeah sorry, I don’t even know half the things I say when I get like that.” She said, her smirk showing that she wasn’t really sorry at all.

After a few minutes, when she could trust herself to stand again, Tonks sat up and stretched. “I think I’m going to paint my nails” she mused.

“Hmm. Have fun.” He told her, moving to stand. “I- uh, I think I’ll take a shower, then.” He said, his tone slightly odd. 

Tonks wondered at his tone. Was he expecting her to reciprocate? Even after their conversation last week? Had he wanted to cuddle longer? She was probably reading too much into it.

“Okay. Have fun” she echoed, crossing the hall to her room and moving to the dresser where she had put her toiletries. She pulled out the polish remover, the nail file, and cotton pads and set them up on the floor as she heard the shower start up across the hall. She then tried to decide what colour she wanted. She decided to paint them chartreuse just to mess with Remus for that comment about her throw pillows from that day in her room. She looked around for the bottle of nail polish but found it wasn’t in the drawer. She must have left it in the bathroom with some of her other toiletries, she realized.

Tonks hopped up to go grab it. She figured that Remus wouldn’t mind if she popped into the bathroom, as she had seen him shirtless before and his shower had a grey panel on the bottom half that would hide his lower half from view, and only the top half was see-through glass. She opened the bathroom door quietly and went to grab the bottle of nail polish off the counter by the sink. However, she snuck a peak at Remus and realized with a start that she really, really should have knocked. She blushed as she took in the view before her. Remus was oblivious to her sneaky entrance and had his head leaned back from the shower spray, one hand on the wall in front of him and the other was moving in a tell-tale motion at his waist out of view. Tonks had no intention of embarrassing him by catching him wanking, so she tried to hurry and grab the bottle and slip out unnoticed. 

She was distracted by the litany of small groans he was letting out, and the thought of what his hand was doing just out of view, and in her usual clumsy fashion she accidently knocked over a few of the other items she had resting on the edge of the counter, sending them crashing to the floor none too quietly. She looked in Remus’ direction guiltily and was met with his horrified expression. 

“Oh god, Dora I- “  
“Shit! Sorry, I was just- “  
“I was just- Oh god Dora what are you doing in here?!” He questioned desperately, face flooded red with embarrassment as she tried desperately to find the bottle of nail polish that she had knocked over with all the rest.

“Sorry, Remus! I didn’t mean to interrupt” she said, feeling guilty for the way he cringed when she said that and how he looked every bit as though he wished the floor would swallow him up. She stammered for the appropriate response. “Uh. I- I’m going to go put the kettle on, okay? Take your time, I’ll be out in the kitchen.” She said and then backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

She cursed under her breath as she put the bottle of nail polish in her room and then made her way to the kitchen. 

She went through the motions of filling the kettle and starting up the burner on the stove, and then setting out two mugs and choosing tea bags for them. She cursed herself for thinking it would be a good idea to go into the bathroom. How foolish of her not to consider that that was exactly what he would be doing! She recalled the feel of him, hot and hard against her thigh earlier, and the desperate way he had kissed her. She was a complete idiot. What did she think she was doing, barging into his bathroom like that without even knocking? She dropped her head onto the counter with a groan, dreading the awkward apology she would have to give.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom Remus was trapped in his own inner turmoil. Having turned the water to a frigidly cold temperature, Remus was using the time until his body cooled down to try to decide what to do, feeling like an absolute pervert. Attempting to drown himself in the shower seemed to be a viable option. He couldn’t get that the look on her face out of his head.

Five minutes later, Remus joined Tonks in the kitchen. She passed him a cup of tea and gave him an awkward little smile. 

“Listen, - “  
“Dora I- Oh sorry. You first.”

Tonks took a steadying breath. “Listen, I’m really sorry about just barging in like that. I didn’t think you would mind, and I just wasn’t thinking. Sorry about that.” Tonks said.

Remus gave her a strange look. “You’re sorry? What? No. I’m the one that should be sorry. And I am, very very sorry. You shouldn’t have to think that I might be – be- doing something inappropriate.” He stumbled over how to describe it. “Gods, Dora. I want you to be able to walk into any room in this house without worrying about what you might find. Shit. I know how it sounds but that- that was just a moment of weakness. I know it’s wrong, but I just lost control-“ he sounded more and more anguished as he stumbled to explain himself.

Tonks had to interrupt him, “Remus, I’m not angry that you were having a wank” he made a choked noise “I don’t mind at all, I just wasn’t thinking and I’m embarrassed that I interrupted you and it’s a little awkward.” She explained gently, confusion rippling through her.

He looked unconvinced and shook his head vehemently. “No, it’s wrong. I know it is. Gods. I never normally do that. I’ve been doing so well… It’s just I couldn’t stop thinking about how good you looked earlier, the filthy things you said and about you lying in my bed like that…” he trailed off looking equal parts troubled and aroused. 

“There is nothing wrong with masturbating” she told him firmly.

“You don’t have to say that.” He said morosely.

“Yes, I do!” she said strongly. “I have no idea who has been telling you that it’s something to be ashamed of, but it’s a perfectly harmless way of taking care of your needs” He grimaced at the phrase. She felt oddly like she was giving some bizarre sex-ed lesson.

“I don’t have needs.” He said firmly.

Tonks rolled her eyes. “yes, you do, clearly, you do. I do too, I have needs as well. It’s human, the need for release and physical contact. I don’t begrudge you that.” She told him. She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder gently. He looked away from her, too embarrassed and ashamed to meet her gaze. She moved her hand to cup his cheek and turn him to look at her. 

“I mean – our agreement – I’ve completely broken the agreement.” he said helplessly, gripping his hair in one hand.

“No, you haven’t! You haven’t broken our agreement just because you have a wank. Our agreement has nothing to do with what you do in private!” she cried, shocked to see that he seemed to have a completely different view of masturbation and their agreement.

“I think perhaps we need to talk a bit more about our agreement and our expectations.” Tonks said. “Let’s have a seat in the living room, shall we? We can straighten this out.” She suggested.

The pair moved into the sitting room, Remus taking a seat in his favourite armchair and resting his tea on the end table. Tonks sat on the end of the settee near him, cradling her teacup in her lap. 

To her surprise, Remus spoke before her. “I’m sorry Dora. I’m embarrassed you had to see that. I didn’t- I don’t normally do that. I should have locked the door. Or-“ he flushed like he’d said something wildly inappropriate, “I mean, I shouldn’t have done that. I just… I don’t really know what I should say besides I’m sorry, I’ll do better.” He said, looking down.

“Locking the door is a good idea. That way your house guest with no boundaries can’t interrupt one of the few moments of privacy you get.” Tonks responded. “Look, I’m sorry that I didn’t knock. I just wasn’t thinking. If I had been, I would have realized that it made perfect sense that that was what you would be doing. Why do you think I would be mad? Or that you were breaking our agreement?”

“Uh-“He looked startled for a moment. “You’re actually not angry? Not at all?” he asked incredulously.

“Nope.” She replied firmly. 

“I just- I try so hard to be in control all the time, I don’t ever want to give anyone the impression that I’m…that I’m more animal than human”

Tonks heart ached as she realized what he meant. She knew how much he tried to limit the evidence of his lycanthropy.

“I think this is a very human need.” She told him. “I never once thought that this had anything to do with your furry little problem.”

He smiled at the use of his boyhood code for his condition. “I just can’t bear the thought that you saw me as some kind of animal who couldn’t control his baser urges.”

“I don’t. I never could.” She assured him.

“I’m also confused how you don’t think this breaks the agreement. I thought you asked for no- no masturbating.” Remus asked.

“In front of me! I meant I would prefer if you did that in private, just not when we were together.” She clarified, feeling guilty that he thought she would actually stipulate something like that in the agreement. “Look, it’s just that I’ve had blokes who will- taking things into their own hands as we’re snogging, and it just makes me uncomfortable if we’re not there yet. I just feel like I should be lending a hand, but I’m not ready.”

There were a few moments of quiet as they both absorbed the conversation before Tonks spoke again, “So, is there anything we should change about our agreement? There is bound to be some points that need to be ironed out as we go. Besides the fact that you can jerk off however often you like except maybe behind a locked door, so I don’t come barging in to ruin the moment” She joked.

“Um- I feel like I should tell you – I don’t have a lot of experience at this Dora.” He admitted.

Tonks was taken aback, there was no way he touched her the way he did with no experience. “Really?”  
“I have some, obviously, but- there have only been a few women, and it has never gone very far, not really any farther than we have gone.” He admitted. “I just feel like you should know, I don’t mind our agreement at all because I’ve never had those things- no one has ever done those things for me, they didn’t like the feel of my scars or they were worried my condition might be transmittable through- um- anyways I don’t need those things.” He told her.

His tone suggested that he thought this would be a comforting for her, but in fact she felt more guilty. Here was this sweet, caring man who wouldn’t hurt a fly and went out of his way to look after her, in every way possible, and no one wanted to touch him because of his condition. 

“That’s not why. I need you to know that your condition and your scars have absolutely nothing to do with why I’m not ready.” She said fiercely.

He nodded immediately, though she felt like she did see some tension slip from his shoulders at her words.

“Gosh, we’re a right pair, aren’t we?” She asked after a moment. He met her gaze and smiled.

“One more thing?” he asked tentatively. She nodded for him to go ahead.

“Does it bother you that – Earlier when I- Did it bother you when you could feel that I was hard?” He stumbled to get the words out, looking embarrassed. “Because I can go back to how it was before.” He assured her. “it’s just, I thought maybe now you wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t mind at all. It was hot actually” she told him. He flushed at this. “What do you mean you can go back to how it was before?” she asked.

“Well, I’ve been trying to make sure you wouldn’t be able to tell- you know, turning my hips away or keeping something between us so you wouldn’t be able to tell.” He explained.

She thought back to all the times he had touched her, or to their make out sessions, and how tonight had been the first time she recalled feeling his erection against her. She hadn’t realized, though it seemed so obvious now, that he had been working at keeping it that way. 

“You don’t have to do that anymore. Hide it. I want to feel you, I like knowing that you are enjoying yourself too.” She said firmly.

He gave her a pleased smile, a gleam of arousal in his eyes at her words.

the pair lapsed into companionable silence. Remus picked up his forgotten cup of tea and took a sip. Tonks recalled her own cup of tea and did the same, thankful that it was still warm. 

“I never did paint my nails.” She said absentmindedly after a few moments of silence. He let out a bark of laughter and she couldn’t help but chuckle too. What an evening this had turned out to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking of writing a short, naughty excerpt of the shower scene from Remus’ point of view. What do you guys think?


	4. Shower Scene Excerpt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote the shower scene. I hope you enjoy! I don't know when the next chapter will be up. I'm trying to decide if I want to go with a proper storyline for this besides the sex, or if I just want it to be these snippets of sex scenes and convo that I have in my head.

Remus stumbled from the bedroom and into the bathroom, his whole body on fire. He felt like every nerve on his body was connected straight to his groin, his whole nervous system reduced to a throbbing, burning ache between his legs. He was used to sexual frustration, but this felt over the top. He moved to turn the shower on, turning it to hot and trying to crush the feeling of shame that threatened to bubble up in the pit of his stomach. His pants were too tight and even walking across the room made them feel more restrictive.

As the water heated up, he stripped off his trousers and his briefs, nearly whimpering as he brushed against his cock. He shivered slightly and gave in to a quick stroke from base to tip, his legs shaking at the intensity of the feeling. 

He stepped into the shower, letting the water pour over his body. He poured some body wash into his hand and began to soap up, washing his whole body and avoiding the one place he really wanted to touch. 

He tried to tell himself he didn’t need this, that it wasn’t worth the guilt afterwards and that he was above such baser desires. But he couldn’t get the image of Dora out of his head, lying back nude in his bed, looking flushed with the pleasure he had given her. He thought of the taste of her. The tight wet, heat when he pushed his fingers inside her. He thought about her moans and cries, and the filthy things she had said. He had almost come apart then and there when she had started talking. Traitorously, feeling dirty, he even thought about the first night she came to stay with him when she had put her hand on his thigh and went to undo his button. 

He couldn’t bear it anymore, his cock an angry red colour, throbbing against his belly and dripping a thick droplet of pre-cum. He reached down and took a hold of himself with a groan he feared was too loud. Had he locked the door? He wasn’t sure. He should have put up a silencing charm, but he wasn’t about to stop now to do so. He tightened his grip and dragged it up from base to tip, running his thumb over the slit in the tip and gathering up the sticky fluid there. He braced one hand against the shower wall as he repeated the slow drag of his hand. He let out a choked gasp and began to pick up the pace, canting his hips slightly into his grip. This was all too much and not enough at the same time.

His head was swirling with memories of her moans and cries and the taste and feel of her. He gripped himself tighter, feeling his orgasm rushing up on too soon. He didn’t want this to end. He needed more. He continued pumping his fist, thrusting his hips, precum dripping steadily from his leaking cock, lubricating his movements and making everything more intense. Brought two fingers together over the head in a gentle pinch that made his thigh muscles spasm. He wanted to slow down and take his time, draw out his pleasure, but he couldn’t bring himself to slow his movements, lest he admit this was anything other than desperation getting the better of him. He was so horny he couldn’t breathe with the intensity of it---

A clatter interrupted his frenzied motions and froze. He turned his head and saw Dora looking back at him, her expression shocked and guilty. He wanted to die of shame.

“Oh god, Dora I- “  
“Shit! Sorry, I was just- “  
“I was just- Oh god Dora what are you doing in here?!” He questioned desperately, face flooded red with embarrassment as she tried desperately to find the bottle of nail polish that she had knocked over with all the rest.

“Sorry, Remus! I didn’t mean to interrupt” she said. 

He cringed. Oh, gods she had just interrupted him. He was aware that he still had one hand on his cock, though shock and embarrassment had tempered some of his need. 

“Uh. I- I’m going to go put the kettle on, okay? Take your time, I’ll be out in the kitchen.” She said and then backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

He hated that he had made her uncomfortable. He hated himself for wanting to finish. He turned the water to a freezing cold temperature and moved his hands away from himself. He waited to cool down and dreaded the conversation he was about to have. He hoped he hadn’t just ruined everything because he couldn’t control himself.


	5. Author's Note

Hi all, 

I just wanted to put a note here to warn anyone who may be waiting for another chapter that I'm stepping away from this story for a while. I've had another idea that is consuming all of my time and it will be a while before I come back to this fic. I can't guarantee that I will ever come back to this fic, or that I won't. It's up in the air right now, but I don't want to leave anyone waiting for another chapter that might not come. I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone. I'll try to make a decision by the end of May.


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